Battling the Blank Canvas

Art block sat me down and said: “You, I will kee you”.

Jokes aside, what do you call simultaneously feeling burnt out and like you've not done enough work to deserve a burnout? This was a new one for me, really.

I've dealt with burnout and art block in the past. Usually, I take a break from gigs and step aside for a few days, and before you know it, I'm back to enjoying creating what I love. But something about this felt different. I honestly didn’t feel like I worked myself to stupor as I did in the past. Or could it be about time running out on all I need to do to pass my current modules? Is the stress knocking me out?

Or could it be a mix of side effects from some stuff I've been through (that I can't share yet) this past week? Did they all just pile up and sink me?

Whatever it was, it felt mental, like a battle against myself. I couldn’t even pick up my Ipad to draw the most random things (this used to help). It was quite overwhelming. I started to lose joy in what excited me, and that was a crazy feeling!

It’s all good now, I believe. Or at the very least, it's better. I’m not sure exactly what did the trick but making a *conscious* effort to get to a place where I'm excited to create again was a good idea. I went to workshops in my field, I reached out to an OG in the industry for briefs to work on (because I couldn’t think of ideas to even create) and I took a step away from the screen and started sketching traditionally with pencil.

In conclusion, if anyone out there is dealing with stuff related to this, take care of yourself and look out for you. Try and step away from your stress triggers if you can identify them and take good care of your mental health.

Crying out to God also helped me, because “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26.

This is so not what I would share on a normal day; would rather keep private and not show any shred of vulnerability.

But hey! It is what it is...and I'm starting to realise it’s all part of the process.

Shalom